you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
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You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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