I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
