I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
