It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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