She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
