is your mom at the bar?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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