She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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