This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize