when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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