My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
