So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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