My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
