Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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