he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
