It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
