Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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