if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
