all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
