wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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