You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
