so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
