...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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