WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
love makes seman taste better
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
