so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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