Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
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finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
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Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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