Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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