I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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