1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Terrible idea I love it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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