I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
