trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
