i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
