The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize