How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
