Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
