the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
