nut hugger
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
