yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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