I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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