i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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