were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
