last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
