I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I deserve to be covered in dicks
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
