There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
