so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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