watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
FUCK WHALES
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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