i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
