i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
