How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
