the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
