You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
