Yo dont text me then not text me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
