I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
