my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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