you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
