boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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