Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
