I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
