Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
