I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize