Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
