I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
