She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
