How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
