Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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