Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
