He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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