So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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