Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
