I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
