First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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