that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
