I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
