the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just google imaged poop.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
