The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
