Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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