I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
