Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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