how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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